Why Am I Doing This. Why. ?!

I feel like these entries are getting repetitive because all I talk about is going to Uruguay, and how I don't know how I ended up signing up for Uruguay. But really. I am getting more scared to leave this country as the days fade into history. I feel like I want to ask everyone about Uruguay, but then I don't want any other perspectives of the country other than my own, because I know nothing about it, and publishing companies are extremely unhelpful regarding publishing books about Uruguay, even though they managed to scrape together enough information to make a book about the Sudan. I'm sure as many people go to Sudan as they go to Uruguay. But Sudan still has a book. And so does Fiji. When all you really do in Fiji is snorkel. And eat bananas. Or something.

Anyway.
I am trying to identify exactly why I am terrified. And I cannot. I suppose, more than anything, it's fear of the unknown. I don't know what I am expecting, and therefore I cannot ascertain whether or not I will like it or hate it, love it or despise it. Most people that went LOVED it, i.e. Brandon and Lawson and Morgan and whoever else I know that went there, but I'm just not sure if I will. The last time I said that I didn't know if I would love it, or even like it, was went I went to India. And if you know anything about me, you know how well that worked out.

I think that the one unrealistic expectation I have for Uruguay is what it is going to do for me. I feel like it is going to solve all of my problems, fix all of my character flaws, make me a better person overall, fix any bullcrap stuff I have going on with relationships and boys and people and my parents and my future, but it is not going to fix me. I believe that it will be a giant detangler of some sorts, I believe that it is going to help me figure things out about myself and other people, and in a way it will be a repairing time, but at the same time, Uruguay is not my savior. Jesus is my savior. If I have any hope of wanting to fix anything that is wrong with me, I have to go to him, not Uruguay. Though I expect to find Jesus in Uruguay in ways I wouldn't here. I think as long as I have that clear, it shouldn't be a problem.

Well. Portfolio calls. Screw you, portfolio.