Feelings.

I am writing this blog because I am trying to find a creative outlet for my feelings at this point.

So there is someone in the house that makes me feel like crap. Not because of what this person does, or how this person treats me. It's just comparison 2010 with him. He wants to go to a prestigious law school. 4.0s up the yang. Law firms. Congress internships.

And he's talking to me. None of which apply to me. There is no way I can compare to him. And I feel like the pressure he puts on himself is the same pressure I need to be putting on myself, even though we are not in the same caliber at all. I am so happy that he is who he is, but after that I just sit back and look at my life and realize how much I have limited myself because of the decisions I have made. And it breaks my heart. I just want to give up and quit. And just not even care about making a difference. I don't really know why I feel like I have to be all of these things to make a difference. I don't know why I think that having an extremely high GPA will hinder me from making a difference and doing whatever it is that I am supposed to do on earth. I hate how everything banks on my GPA. It seems as though nobody cares about the kind of person I am. I feel like now I am just starting to understand the pressure that I am under for life. I wish I had this hindsight 2 years ago. Things would be a lot different.

I guess I just feel bad about myself all of the time because of certain expectations. I don't know if I set them or other people did, but they are set. And I am trying so hard to achieve them. Yet from my past mistakes it seems like I don't have any hope. I am going to be reduced to less than what is my destiny. And that breaks my heart. I'm just a failure. Why try? I don't even know what I want to do with my life. So why should I even bother? Why not just drop out and go to Cabo Polonio for forever? Why not just go home to a CC and live the easy life? Why do I do this? Am I really cut out for this?

This is just me ranting. I know it will pass. But I am just not feeling the greatest at present.

That is all.